I'm not good at being the patient!

I will admit I am a control freak when it comes to a lot of things. I have been that way since I was young. I used to always worry about projects getting done, and my mom would have to calm me down that we had plenty of weeks to turn it in. I have gotten better, but I still stress about things. It's in my blood. I have always been a perfectionist. That being said, it bothers me that I know too much about Labor and Delivery and am now pregnant. I know I am going to be the worst patient in labor, and I feel bad for the nurse that has to care for me. I am not delivering in my familiar hospital with nurses I know and trust. I must let this control go and I am going to work on that. It will make me healthier! This all leads to my doctors appointment this morning. I am 11 weeks. I get so nervous being the patient. I am used to being the one that gives the information, examines patients, and given them education. The minute I lay down on that table, I can feel my heart beating fast, and my palms sweating. After today they reviewed my lab work and let me know that I don't have HIV, chlamydia, or gonorrhea. What a relief. :) The heartbeat was strong at 170. The only thing elevated is my Blood Pressure! It was 128/88. I know that is not high, they just like to see it lower. I have taken my blood pressure at home and at work and it's been lower. I swear it is being the patient that bothers me. I need to let the control go. Other than that, everything looks good, and I still feel great. I am going to continue to work out and release the stress.


In other news, I have been converting our old VHS tapes to DVD's and having many laughs about our childhood days. I am so grateful for these videos. It's neat to share these videos with Adam and his family. We were such innocent kids. I can't wait to make these type of videos with my future family and keep them forever. Other than that, we're just keeping busy. This weekends weather is going to be in the 80's so we'll probably go out on the lake, relaxing!

Our Valentine Weekend

Happy Valentines Weekend!

I got to spend a nice weekend with my mommy. We visit her a lot in Hemet, but it was a nice treat to have her come and stay and not have to drive anywhere to see her. We've kept busy! We went on a walk yesterday on a trail near the lake. It was a beautiful sunny day with no wind. I had never done the trail walk, and we were pretty tired by the end. I think it was only 4 miles but felt further. We then went to lunch, saw a movie, made a nice Valentines dinner and went to watch the fireworks for the pyrotechnic show that tests new fireworks in Havasu every year. Quite an eventful day. Today we continued to shop shop shop! I don't know where my mom gets all her energy. I hope someday I have her ability to just get up and go all day. I like to take too many naps! It was a nice change of pace from my lazy days laying on the couch!

We did take this belly picture at this 9 week mark so when I am big and pregnant I can remember the good old days. There isn't much there just a little pudgy tummy that I can't suck in. More will follow in the up coming months. Hope everyone enjoyed their Valentine. I had my hubby and my mommy! Two of the greatest people to love!

Weekly update!

I'm 9 weeks today! I still don't feel pregnant but I know that will come soon enough. So far things are going well. I did come down with a nasty cold this week and have been fighting that off with a lot of sleep, Popsicles, sprite, and chicken noodle soup. I have been very fortunate to stay healthy this past year so I can't really complain. The little bug in me is sucking the immunity from me! I still love it.

At work Tuesday we got out our little doppler machine, I laid flat, and the girls were so excited to hear the fluttering bug. Their faces were so cute as they all crowded around the speaker of the doppler and heard the heartbeat. Pretty soon as I get closer to delivery I can bet I will have them checking for dilation...haha, maybe not! That might be weird! The perks of working labor and delivery.

I have been working a lot, and we've been busy on the unit. Over the last couple months of being pregnant things bother me more at work then they used to, and I am going to vent for a minute in regards to an incident that occurred this week. I know it is the environment that I live in, and maybe if I was working back in orange county I would never encounter this type of frustration. I want to protect my growing bug more than anything in this world. I don't know why some idiots don't have the same common sense to give their baby a chance to be normal. I am talking about mom's who do methamphetamines and get no parental care. Shocker? No, not out here. That's become more of the norm. I get SO frustrated. I want to yell and scream at them, but I know it would do no good. I want to go as far as to cut out their ovaries! When confronted they have every excuse possible as to why they didn't get prenatal care, and when asked about the drugs, they claim to be innocent. Do they think we are stupid? I want to know how people who have no money for food, find money for drugs? I get nervous about taking Tylenol or medication for a stuffed up nose. Will what I put in my body affect the baby? Do these women who claim to be mothers have no conscience about their innocent child inside, who once born is withdrawing from the drugs their mother gave them for 9 months? The child has no choice. They eat what they are given, they smoke the meth too! In the end, we have to watch the baby shake, shiver, and cry uncontrollably as they come down from being high. I sometimes wish there was more I could do. Sometimes I just want to take these babies home, away from the idiot that gave birth that I won't even call a mother! Some mothers lose babies, can't have babies and then you have these selfish losers procreating more children who will rarely break the cycle. What is even more frustrating is that the CPS system here in AZ seems to think that by placing the child with a "family member," they are keeping families together. I'm sorry sometimes they should not be together because the drugs aren't going to stop, and that child will still be around it all.

Okay okay, enough of me venting. It's probably raising my blood pressure a bit. I just wish these people would not be so selfish for just one more hit, or fix. Let it go! Addictions suck but a drug baby sucks even more. One of the many things we deal with working out here. Boy have I learned a lot as compared to my happy, sheltered Hoag home!

Grow belly grow!

Today I am 8 weeks. So far I'm feeling good. I am keeping my fingers crossed that this week the morning sickness doesn't kick in. Once I get past the first trimester I am supposed to be safe so I really only have 5 more weeks left. For the first time in my life I keep looking for my belly to grow. I want to get fat so I feel more pregnant. I'm sure once I can barely bend over I'll wonder why I wanted to show so bad. I guess it will make it more real. It's weird to think something is beating inside me rapidly and I don't feel it. I can't wait for it to kick.

I don't think we are going to find out what we are having. If we find out at the 4th month or the 9th month there isn't a huge difference because we will find out eventually. When I help deliver patients I love the moment the baby comes out, the doctor holds up the baby and says.....It's a girl or boy. We may change our mind, but if it's about being able to decorate a room or buy clothes we can accessorize after the baby is born. I like the idea of not knowing and being surprised.

I turned over a new leaf this week. I took out my belly ring. I have had it since I was in college so it has been a part of me for most of my adult life. I was telling my mom that I took it out, and that I was going to be sad to see it close up and she said, "well you are an adult now, and I'm sure after your belly stretches you aren't going to want to put it back in. How many moms do you see with belly rings." She's probably right. My belly button looks naked, but I'll adjust. The other day I had a patient with piercings still in her belly, her nipples, and her lower region. I understand belly rings, nipple rings would just be annoying, but a piercing down there when you are expected to push out a baby???? The thought of that tearing just gives me the willies. I think I've seen it all out here!

Expect pictures of the growing belly in the coming weeks!